While being a child is the most carefree time of your life, one cannot deny the impact our parents have on us while we are growing up. Whether your parents were your closest friends or whether they barely talked to you, your parents have had a huge impact on moulding the way you are as an adult.
There are certain behavioural patterns your parents will have that you probably won't even notice. But these behaviours can definitely make you the person you are considering if you register things in your subconscious mind on an everyday basis. That's not what we are saying; that is actually something
Parents who told white lies to you or to someone in front of youÂ
As parents, you might have told some white lies to your children to protect their feelings. It could be about a bad drawing or something else that you thought might hurt their feelings. But it turns out that telling them those lies harmed them more than helped them. According to the psychiatrist, Dr. Carole Lieberman, parents who have been telling their children white lies have caused their kids to have trust issues. The kids don't trust their parents to keep them safe.
There is another scenario here: if a parent is seen telling small lies to someone in front of their kids, the kids will start believing at a young age that lying is okay, which can later turn into a much bigger problem.
Parents who are loving and attentive to their toddlers will have children who perform better in school
According to a 2017 paper in the US National Library of Medicine, parents who provide an environment that is loving and listens to their child, starting at the young age of 3, will have children who do better at school. The study, which was done for a decade, researched the influence of mother-child attachment and effortful control in toddlerhood. This resulted in the child achieving well at school in early adolescence.
If your parents taught you to talk about your feelings, there is a low chance of a divorce for the child later onÂ
If you are someone who has a difficult time expressing feelings or someone who is prone to not speaking up, a childhood-related aspect might be involved here as well. Rebecca Bergen, PhD, a licenced clinical psychologist, told MyDomaine that if your parents used to handle conflicts in a passive-aggressive way or did not resolve issues by talking at all, you can also have the same kind of temperament in your relationships. If you had an environment where you were encouraged to talk about your feelings, you would be more like that later in your relationships as well.
If your parents had body issues, you will have self-confidence issues as an adult
Even as a parent, if you have practised talking about body positivity, this will go unheard by your children. Why? Because if you are someone who has made negative remarks about your own body, your children will pick that up much faster. According to Christine Scott-Hudson's input on Insider, if you are constantly self-deprecating about your own body and do that in front of your child, your child will have low self-confidence later in life. In fact, it may even make them believe that love, especially your love for them, is tied to how they look.
If parents taught their children social and emotional skills, they were more likely to get a good job and a college degree
Researchers from Pennsylvania State University and Duke University tracked over 700 children who were between the ages of 4 and 25 and found that children who were taught social skills like being helpful to peers and putting themselves out there more were likely to get a college degree.
This was laid out in a 20-year study recently published in the American Journal of Public Health. Teachers back in 1991 tracked children and their social skills based on whether they were helpful, understood feelings, and such. Researchers then carried on and tried to find out whether these children had passed high school and gotten a good college degree. They even looked into their history of drug abuse and arrests. Socially competent children were far more likely to earn a college degree and have a full-time job by 25.
Children who were made to do chores are more independent as adults
As per Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Dean of Freshmen at Stanford University and author of "How to Raise an Adult,"Â adults who were given chores to do as children by their parents are more independent and know how to take on work for themselves. This makes them part of an ecosystem and part of a workplace. This also helps them later in life to cooperate more with their colleagues and empathise more at the workplace.
A Harvard grant study also found out that children who were made to do household chores were also more likely to be happy down the road. This study followed people for over 75 years.
If your parents kept criticising you as a child, you would have low self-confidence
There is a very thin line between encouraging someone to do better and always criticising them or telling them to improve. Consultant clinical psychologist Elena Touroni told INSIDER that if a child has very critical parents, they will end up becoming their own worst critic when they grow up. This will also cause big issues with self-esteem later in life and create feelings of resentment within the relationship.
Instead of demoralising the child all the time, one can add their victories along with the negative statements and nicely tell them ways to improve
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Can this be resolved later on?
Yes, according to licenced clinical psychologist Rebecca Bergen, Ph.D., to break this cycle and do better as an adult in life, one can read, journal, look at one's current relationship from a different perspective, and give therapy a try. One can understand healthy ways to manage conflict and better ways to connect with your partner emotionally.
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